How To Get Along With Your Father-In-Law

Information and stories abound about how to get along with your mother-in-law, but the same tips for getting along with your new father-in-law are not so easy to find. While mothers-in-law are more in your face after you marry their son or daughter, fathers-in-law are usually more subtle and laid back in their approach to the new member of their family.

But that laid back attitude might be camouflage for the uncomfortable position your father-in-law finds himself in. He probably sees his child as his most-prized possession and values their past relationship, before you, more than any other relationship in his life.

He might be very protective and can become overbearing and a meddler in whatever you and your spouse plan to do. You might believe that he is trying to separate the two of you on weekends so he and his son can enjoy the activities they enjoyed before your marriage. In his eyes, he is trying to maintain the connection with his child who means everything to him.

Do not complain to your spouse. That will just cause stress between the two of you. Instead, do some research on the activities they enjoy together so you can show an interest in the same activities when you are all together. Ask questions that show your interest in your father-in-law and his interests. Let him teach you what he knows or how to do something.

Be helpful and available when there’s a family project to be done, like painting or redecorating a room or landscaping the yard. Specifically ask him to help you and lend some of his expertise when you are doing something in your own yard or garage, for instance. Invite him into your family activities and, sooner or later, he will invite you into his.

Don’t push the relationship. Give him time to get to know you. Your mother-in-law might be right in the middle of your life, but he might be slower to warm up and consider you one of his family.

If you discover that your dad and your father-in-law have some of the same interests, invite both families over for a barbecue or party and make sure each father knows the interests of the other. Let them take it from there and decide if they are going to be friends by themselves.

Be aware that both in-laws are watching you to see how you are going to treat their child. Do not air your spats with either set of parents and never, ever have an argument in front of any of them. Do not discuss your personal life either. You are in the middle of three dynamics when you first get married that can evolve into something beautiful or rapidly become a painful experience.

Both families are watching the one their child married and left their home to be with. Both want their child to be happy and satisfied in their new life. Both are afraid that might not happen and are watching to protect their child from disaster. It is normal, but the father-in-law, being a man, might consider his meddling ways to be just a simple continuation of his lifelong protection for his child.

The best way you can develop a good relationship with your father-in-law is to relax and be yourself. Show your personality and the reason both of you fell in love with each other. Let him know that he is important to you just because he is important to your spouse. Once in a while, when you are alone with him, thank him for raising such a nice son.

Weddings are stressful on both families and, in the haste to get everything just right, it might take a little time for both sets of parents to relax and enjoy the newest member of their families.