How To Say “NO”
August 19, 2009 by weddings
Filed under wedding planning
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You might be casually dating someone for a while and, without warning, he shows you a ring and asks you to marry him. If you hadn’t considered marriage with him, or anything past occasional dating or an intimate weekend once in a while, you might be at a loss about how to turn him down and not rip his heart out.
You might have been sending him the wrong signals or he was simply misinterpreting a casual relationship as something more binding, like a marriage. Either way, if you decline his proposal, there will be hurt feelings and sadness to deal with.
A public marriage proposal is a guaranteed embarrassment and huge blow to your suitor’s ego if you decline publicly. A good response to your surprise proposal would be a gentle suggestion to move to a private place to discuss it.
However, there are some reactions you should avoid entirely. Do not say anything negative, or demeaning. The guy on his knees and offering you a ring is effectively totally exposed and feeling naked in front of a host of strangers, especially if his proposal was delivered in a restaurant.
Don’t say “yes” unless you truly want to marry your boyfriend and spend the rest of your life with him. If you do not feel the same way he feels, playing with his emotions now, when you know you will break the engagement later, is cruel and hurtful to tender feelings. Instead, move to a private place and gently decline.
Make your statements softly definite. Explain that, while you are honored that he is asking you to marry him, you do not have the same depth of feelings and are not ready for a serious commitment. Tell him the truth and explain the good things about him that you like.
Even if you’ve been considering marrying your boyfriend, there are several reasons you should decline any proposal, regardless of how romantically it was delivered.
Regardless of your romantic feelings, you should definitely decline to marry someone who has cheated on you. If you know of past cheating in other relationships, decline the proposal, even if you do not know that he has been cheating with other women since he has been with you. Sexual pleasure and
love strong enough to create a safe, loving future are not the same thing.
Your financial future will frame your entire life together. It is impossible to have a stable future if you two cannot agree on how to spend money. Your arguments over money will make a rocky future. When you marry, both of your debts and incomes become merged. Comparing credit reports is a requirement in today’s world. Do not marry into widely divergent financial practices.
Not much needs to be said about abuse in your relationship, except, run, do not walk away, from any offer of marriage. Abuse has nothing to do with love and even the hint of excessive control or physical abuse is a relationship you should avoid. Please do not think you can change your suitor. That would be a painful mistake.
One of the most important attributes that makes a good marriage is true laughter. When a couple have enough in common to appreciate a good laugh and some of the absurdities of everyday living, they become entangled in the warmth and openness of a good relationship. A good thing!
Love, laugh and come together in a healthy marriage. Isn’t that what we all want?