The Second Time Around

Not all first-time weddings last for a lifetime. Divorce is quite common in today’s world and does not carry the stigma that used to follow divorced women a couple of decades ago.

If you are planning a second wedding, do not be surprised by the horde of myths concerning second weddings. Everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should do or not do when you plan your new wedding and most will be determined to tell you about it.

The most common untrue myth is about whether or not you should wear white for your second wedding. At one time, it was taboo, but not any longer. It is totally appropriate for you to wear any color you want to wear. Most who already had a formal wedding will choose a different look, like a white cocktail dress or a beautiful suit.

If you have children they should be the first to know about your wedding plans. You both should take the time to make sure they are comfortable with your intentions to marry and, more importantly, that they feel like they are a part of the entire ceremony. Some have added their children to the wedding ceremony as an age appropriate part of the wedding party.

Others have included them in their wedding vows, declaring each other and the children by name as a family, united by their love for each other. A nice idea is to include your children in the ring ceremony, giving each a ring of their own or other piece of jewelry that will make them part of your union.

Two other fairly standard wedding activities, gift giving and a bridal shower have, in the past, not been the traditional events they were at the first wedding. The feeling was that the couple would have plenty of leftover household items from their first wedding. That feeling is no longer totally valid and you might want to register at a store that has something to do with your activities, like golf or sailing.

Showers for the second wedding are not that common. But, your friends, thrilled by your new happiness, might want to hold one for you anyway. Let them. If you can, suggest a specific theme, like a garden party with pots, bags of compost and other items needed for gardening. Another good theme choice would be one that reflects your interest or passions. For example, if you are huge movie fans, baskets filled with popcorn, movie candy and videos would be an unusual, but welcome gift.

You could create a hanging card holder, like a mobile, out of simple, pretty materials and have gift cards from local department stores clipped on it. Or you could hide the gift cards all over the house and give the bride-to-be
clues to finding them. Wedding showers can be casual and based on a theme that suits the occasion.

Second marriages often are not as formal or traditional as first marriages. The couple getting married often wants a simple marriage, with a quiet reception afterwards. But, some also want all the ceremony, tradition and gathering of friends and family that they had in their first wedding. Either desire is perfectly natural and acceptable by today’s standards.

Many couples getting married for the second time, or more often than that, add a “No Gifts, Please” to their announcements or invitations. Many of the wedding guests for either the bride or groom will have been at their previous wedding and should not be expected to buy more gifts.

It’s your wedding. Celebrate it the way you want to. Enjoy it.

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